Why Ophthalmology?

                       Yes! It's the study and treatment of disorders and diseases of the eye.People keep asking me why I took up such a speciality.In the medical fraternity Ophthalmology is not such a 'from the heart' specialitity for many doctors.Of course its not cardiology,nephrology or neurology and I dont pretend it to be but I do not like it when people question my motives for choosing it.They keep saying there's lot of money in it hence it is a good choice.Maybe there is but it can't be my reason for choosing it.Money has ceased to be my driving point in life 7 years back when I took up the medical profession.For the good or for the the bad.

                       Eversince I was a little kid I wanted to be part of something different.It is not something stange for a 10 year old but for me it has been my lifetime passion.Over the years that passion has manifested into me being  a part of a miracle.I have wrangled over it a lot of times and to me there are just a few things that qualify to that category.The magic of the story of birth or the the magic of sight or the magic of a new life! I had decided long back that I wanted to be a part of either of the three.It's the closest to being different for me.I had visualised myself as being a Obstretician, a Pediatrician, an Orthopaedician,a Cosmetogolist or an Ophthalmologist at different times of my under graduation.For me the charm of being a doctor was all this.This is the reason why I took up the medical profession as my life's calling when I had to choose.Not for me the the glamour of surgery or medicine as nearly every doctor I know has it.It was never Cardiology,Neurosurgery,Nephrology or what ever else that might be.I'm sure there's a lot of self satisfaction in any of the above mentioned specialities but it has never appealed to me because i believe i'm different and deserve to be so.

                       My internship after my undergrad has been a baptism by fire at the risk of sounding cliched.I found out so many things that i could be and couldn't be.I had narrowed down to Pediatrics or Ophthalmology as something that I should be pursuing as my first choice.As luck would have it I was in a position to choose and i'm glad I was able to make a great decision.I have finally chosen Ophthalmology as my path further.

                     That apart i've seen my dad who's a physician slog out the hours where he worked for 365 days a year and he could never make it to most of the weddings,get togethers,picnics or my school functions or any sort of break from work.Even then my dad was lucky that he could at least come home in time for lunch and dinner.I've seen doctors who literally live in hospitals and OT's.Over a period of time all that stress will get to you.I wanted to be a doctor and I did but I didn't sign up to give up my normal life.I am not ready to sacrifice all my life to medicine.Of course for people like that there are other avenues like non-clinical branches of specialisation and academics which are getting much more lucrative these days and all that at no stress on your hours.But the reason i took up the medical profession was not because of the money or even the illusion of an easy life.I took it because I wanted to treat patients.After a lot thought I felt Ophthalmology offered me the best of both worlds.Ophthalmology is a very interesting subject and new things are always popping up.The added plus is I have an ardent interest in technology which is indispensible in modern day Ophthalmology.Maybe I wont be saving a lot of lives but at least I'll have the satisfaction of restoring the sight of many people and a life with new vision is a new life after all.I'll gladly settle for it if it gives me the time to pursue my other loves in life like reading,travel,my poetry,parties,family or plain free time for myself.I'm too multi-dimensional to restrict myself only to hospitals.                      

                       The miracle of sight has often been understated.It is as if we take sight for granted.We realise the importance of sight when we are at the risk of losing it.I'm excited as hell being a part of restoring that primitive confidence.There couldn't be a greater reason for me to take it up.On the other side I would also like to make healthcare a professional endeavor where you would get the best possible facility for your health needs rather than worry about quality and cost.But that's a long term goal.

                       There you have it.A reasoning to my madness if you like it.I have achieved a difference in a field prone to generalisations.Not everybody is there in this profession for the same reasons.It has to be different otherwise it would be just as dull as the the stock market(duh!).....:-) 

18th June,2009                                                                                                       Raghuraj S. Hegde

Did someone talk about equality?

I have often felt discriminated in my own country.All the more when i was preparing for competitive exams.The quotas underline the fact that not every Indian is treated equally.You can be absolutely hopeless and still gain big things in life if only you belong to the sc/st/obc.My All India rank is 1358.Just imagine how I would feel when my classmate with rank 13,000 gets a better seat because he's an ST(and he's not poor).The General Merit is the most disadvantaged class in India because the system tries very hard to suppress this class.India will never become a superpower as long as the they disadvantage the most talented people in India(read general merit).This is a curse Dr. Ambetkar bought on India.If Dr. Ambetkar was alive today he would have been saddened by such vote bank politics that govern today's quotas and would have regreted this move.Even he couldnt have tolerated this inequality the other way round.Its difficult to be a patriot if my country treats people of merit this way.This poem is dedicated to this cause.

                  Divided Identity

I am an Indian they say.

There in lies a terrible lie.

Before I'm an Indian, my thousand identities surface.

Those identities cast my indianness aside.

Hindu? Muslim? Christian? Sikh?

Caste. Sub caste. Minor- sub caste.

Minority. Subordinated. Backward?

Minster's kin. Father's purse. Royal Blood.

The Indian that I want to be known as

Is lost among these many divisions I'm defined by.

My own country refuses to see me as an equal to another.

My IDENTITY decides the privilege I inherit.

The Indian that I should have been

Is the toy of the many vote banks and political upheavals.

They dangle a carrot every so often at this Indian.

And some donkey nearly always bites it.

Quota. Reservation. Promotions out of turn.

Merit trampled. Dreams squashed. Incompetent rewarded.

But again we are told this facile lie.

Its somehow supposed to restore equality.

When your system divides the society thus.

When your country treats it's countrymen with different measures.

Oh what irony you hypocrites!

You now want a white man to treat you as equals?

My anger is divided

And my many fears divided too.

As many as the names of my identities.

I cannot suffer to love this divided India ever.

I hope to see the day this Indian will rise above such trivialities.

Emboldened by the courage of the day.

Would bring in a time when an Indian would be Indian by himself

And not stained by the colours of identity.

21st April,2009                                                  Raghuraj S. Hegde

Success beyond failures

I often write poems to raise my spirits.Its my way of dealing with my setbacks and failures.Whenever I feel low I read some of my poems to find solace.I'm a man who is able to inspire myself through my own words.Though I consider myself lucky to  have had more good times than bad I've had my own share of failures.The following three poems were written at such junctures where I needed myself to find words to inspire myself.

  

                                        Gifted

                                     

 'tis nice to be gifted,

All sound and hard,

Where hard work is,

But a distant gaurd.

The world applauds the 'Gifted Being',

Onto him the lifted praise.

Common mortals give just that,

But I choose not to join the race.

The sky may seem a distant place,

For a boy so plain as I.

But there will come a dawn indeed,

When people will say "OH! MY"

The Gifted has not hardwork seen,

Life to him a play,

But I have the reins to mine,

I will better him someday.

        

                              -Raghuraj S. Hegde

2001

                               Spirit

Mine is that inconquerable spirit,

That lives through life and death.

Ambition to suceed so great,

It lives in my every breath

There are times in your life,

When the world's against you.

Don't lose hope on it,

For there's a whole world to conquer too.

You have fallen from your crest,

For them may seem abeit,

For I have flown ahead,

I have learnt a deal.

Failure is not a hurdle last,

But setback with steps ahead.

For a winner in me i search.

I will not be of loser's kind.

The world I seek to change,

For the better i deem to say.

The greatness lies within,

My spirit reigns supreme.

                                           -Raghuraj S. Hegde

2000

                           Successful Failure

Do not stop when you achieve something,

For there is always greater things to achieve,

There is always greater heights to reach,

And to do better than you have already.

Never stop when you fail at something,

For greater resolve accompanies your next goal.

For the world expects nothing of you

And success tastes sweeter for an underdog.

People succeed,though undeserving.

People fail,despite best efforts.

But let that not deter a honest endeavour,

For success is but failure refined.

                                        Raghuraj S. Hegde

1st february,2005

Prayer to destiny

Destiny struck on 2/15!!!

       We forever live in the fear that life shall pass us by and that we may have no future to redeem ourselves but though time does not stall for a moment's notice our time does not start until we begin it.

      I surprise myself sometimes as to how a perfectly rational man like me believes in destiny. But really I have no other explanation for so many crucial incidences in my life to put it down to plain chance. The past one yr has been tough, probably the hardest in my whole life and its no exaggeration. There has been a lot of introspection, frustration and some good measure of desperation in the last one year. I would say now in hindsight that its made me a better man but it wasn’t a peach living it. 

      But where does destiny come into the picture? I’ll tell you….my all India PG entrance was an exam I wrote with almost zero pressure because I had given up all hope by that time. I felt I had not prepared well enough. While I wrote it I felt more and more confident and by the time I finished I was thinking I might have just cracked it. But my confidence before and after the exam had nose-dived  to such an extent that I refused to believe my gut feeling. I went on with that same pessimism and it cost me. I did well in my state exams but not well enough because there’s little margin for error in these ruthless exams. I was looking down the barrel when it happened!! All India PG results were out and I had in fact cracked it and  it was not bad either. This was among a lot of things I put down to destiny.

       A lot many years ago when I wrote my entrances for undergraduate degree I was gunning for an Engg. Course and I wrote the Biology paper just as a means of shading practice and  used whatever little I had studied to clear my boards in bio. I did extremely well in physics chemistry and mathematics. But as my destiny would have it my peers were to perform so badly in physics  that my medical rank shot up to enviable levels. Yes I did get a good rank in engineering and I could have come out of top drawer college. But as I said destiny struck and I had my choice served on a platter.

         Fast forward about a year and a half,. I had passed my first year. I had started playing football full time after college and trying desperately to get into the  college team. There was a lot of competition. Though  I worked hard I knew it would be hard to make the grade as there were many seniors waiting. But I played  my heart out on the day of final selection. I played like never before and was so proud of myself. But the captain walked up to me and said I failed to make it to the team and a senior has made it in my place. I was depressed that night but when I saw the team list next afternoon my name was on the list. Pure providence would be the only word that can describe it.

        Go a couple more years ahead. I was giving my clinical knowledge assessment for my finals in otorhinolaringology(E.N.T. if you are not from my world) and we got a horrible external examiner who I would describe as a sadist. He really got the kicks asking weird questions and failing candidates when his mood got stiff.  To worsen matters the internal examiner wasn’t helping matters either. And I guess I caught them at the wrong moment because starting with my number they failed six candidates in a row.I answered all their questions correctly and accurately but the examiners were hostile and prejudiced and seeing my face they had already made up their mind. They  gave me 36 on 80. A fail mark because I was still 4 marks short of the 50pc pass mark. But….but….again destiny had already struck. In my internal clinical assessment the head of the dept impressed with me being in the football team had given me a 14 on 20 while most of my class got 12 on 20. Both scores added up to 50 on 100 and I cleared by the skin of my teeth. If I had failed that exam despite me answering so well and because they didn’t like my face, that really would have broken me and maybe I wouldn’t have been the same again.

          At this point I remember a Saurav Ganguly  interview after he retired from international cricket. The interviewer asked him which was his most favourite century? He replied that it was his “first century at Lords on debut. If I hadn’t scored that day I wouldn’t be standing in front of you today”. It so parallels what happened in my life. If destiny hadn’t struck on that entrance exam I wouldn’t have taken medical. If I hadn’t made it to the football team that day I wouldn’t have passed my 3rd year. And if I hadn’t passed 3rd year I probably wouldn’t be the same guy again.

           We all tend to put life as a series of choices waiting to be made. I have no reason to suggest otherwise but its really strange that so many things in my life has just hit me at the right moments. Today the same thing has happened. I’ve cracked the most competitive exam in the world. Nearly 1.5 lakh people writing this entrance exam for just over 2000 seats with infighting over choice of speciality. What were the odds? Its not to say I put it down to luck. I’ve worked extremely hard the last one year clocking on an average 10hrs a day of study but my point is it clicked. I’m sure there are people who have studied more than me, people who were much more brilliant than me and were much better prepared than me but still did not make it. It is just that it was my destiny that I would crack it this year and others will have to wait for their holy grail.

         Even so its so easy to be dissatisfied with oneself. I could point to at least ten blatant mistakes that I made in that All India pg exam. Maybe that ten extra marks would have propelled me to the top 500 bracket but it was meant to be that I ended up on rank 1358 and I have no disputes with that. That rank has decided which course my life will take from here on in. I’ll still work hard like I have always done but with the belief that life is on my side of the park. Go get em!

Monsoon magic

I've been living in Kottayam since the last 6 months and i'll tell you it is one of the most beautiful places you can live in.There's so much greenery around it's sometimes overwhelming.And yeah its even more beautiful during the monsoons.i think every man should visit Kerala at least once in his lifetime.

Monsoons of Kottayam


Have you seen the most beautiful shade of green?
Come here to see nature's miracle:
The rain drenched leaves that display it proudly.
The sight makes the heart sombre but the mind sparkle.

Have you heard the most wonderful piece of music?
You should experience nature's symphony:
The delectable tones of the rain spattering
With the chorus of the fauna,flora and company.

How often have you smelt the sweet smell of rain on sand?
That accompanies the fragrance of flowers and unknown.
The delicious aromas of rain start a prayer within:
That life should be as simple as the rain and sun.

Have you been in love before?
For you will learn to love this heavenly place.
A world beyond a dreary life
Grants every man a poet's grace.

Raghuraj S. Hegde

12th October,2008

How to be everybody?

Parents have great dreams for their children and justifiably so.Their children are the apple of their eye.So children often want to be everything that they think their parents would like them to be and moreover to children the whole world is at their feet and anything is possible.This poem is dedicated to my parents who mean the world to me and who sometimes believed in me more than i did myself .it also potrays my futile attempts to be everything

The Perfect Son

I was born into this world alone and cold.
You then christened me your son,with love did you hold.
For the rest of your life you said in untold words,
I shall be the center of your little universe.

You taught me to dream,
And then told me to dream some more.
I did my best with earnest.
With a little help,sure did it pour.

I wanted to be the sailor on the sea
And the rockstar,every man wanted to see.
I then caught the fancy of coats black and white
And so many curious things in my sight.
I was enamoured by the fights of robbers and cops.
I played those parts along with all its props.

In between those dreamy days,
I dreamt more than you can tell me ways.
A painter,pianist,singer and dancer.
Ah yes! I always wanted to be the bus conductor.

But you smiled through my childish concern:
How would I be them all in turn?
I lived then in a fearless world.
Anything was possible if my mind could hold.

You encouraged me all that way.
You assured me I could do no wrong.
But a brutal world awaited me outside
And you couldn't hold my fears for long.

You may realise with cruel time since my birth
That I may not be the most perfect thing on earth.
But I hope and aspire to be,
Your most perfect son that I can be.

Raghuraj S. Hegde

18th August,2008

The greatest match of the world

I had the pleasure of watching the legendary match between Rojer Federer and Rafeal Nadal on 6th of july,2008.This poem is a tribute to Rojer Federer,my hero and he will always be so after his awe-inspiring display in that match.A match i'll remember and be inspired all my life.

The Battle of Rojer

Rojer Federer,the undisputed king of grass.
Rafeal Nadal,king of clay,challenges the grass.
Five times champion against a pretender?
Odds were much different than was on offer.
Together they started a match,
Even the heavens must have beheld.
For lifetimes pass without the experience of such a battle.
Two sets down,Federer's aura shattered.
Rojer faces questions only he can answer.
But learn Oh mere mortals,From this champion who calls himself 'Rojer'
He has achieved everything and nothing to prove.
Still he prides a thirst that cannot be quenched.
To remain champion beyond the peak.
To prove that a champion means never to quit.
Yes Rojer fought back to draw level.
That despite Nadal's raw ferocity.
The stage was set for the final set.
And then you could have said,
Gods must have played from either side of the court.
Rallies,forehands,backhands,dropshots and smashes went on.
Neither gave the other even a solitary inch.
A stroke of luck or otherwise for either God,
It cost Federer the match.
Nadal won the match,the title and the glory
And deservedly so.
Federer lost the match,
But Rojer won the battle against Federer
And showed the world what a champion meant.
Raghuraj S. Hegde
8th July,2008

Why become a doctor?

Why did i take up the medical profession? It's one of my life's
toughest questions.And i don't completely answer it even now.As a
child my dream was to become a doctor.Well you might say it's the
dream of every other child in India.Children catch fancy to the white
coat and stethescope without realising the toll it takes.So did i which
was very natural since my immediate family is filled with doctors
with my dad being a physician himself.For me as for everybody else
my dad was a hero and being a doctor seemed the natural choice.But
later when i grew up to a 15 yr old young impressionable boy,a
different sense prevailed.The stories of successful engineers and
managers from top institutes like IIT,IIM were hard to ignore.The
lure of big money is a big driver of ambitions.And i too was
swallowed by this hurricane and greed for easy money.I started
preparing for IIT-JEE.I worked hard for two full years.I sacrificed
two years of college social life to attain that incredible dream,but i
still came up short.When I realised that dream wouldnt realise i put
my energies towards getting into regional engineering colleges.But
fate had other ideas.Yes i did manage to get a good engineering rank
to secure a seat in a NIT and i would have gone on to be an
engineer.But along with my engg rank quite unexpectedly i secured
an excellent medical rank purely based on my excellent physics and
chemistry performance.It was at this point that the heart prevailed
over the mind.This i felt was how destiny handed out my true
calling.I realised that the only reason i wanted to do engineering was
because of money and not because i wanted to become one.I
obviously had the skills to become a better engineer than a doctor(I
was brilliant in math,physics and chem but not that good at biology)
but one of my deepest desires was to become a doctor.

I took up medicine and every so often during my M.B.B.S.
course i did wonder the prudence of that emotional decision.Time
and again it has made me look back and ask myself whether i made
the right decision.Today i have finished my M.B.B.S. degree and
now preparing for my P.G. entrances.I am right there where i started
six years ago.I'm not refraining from admitting that i do feel pangs of
envy when i see some of my classmates-who were much lower in the
class when it came to studies-today earning six figure salaries while i
am yet to start my professional career.And it is just because of that
one crutial decision.

You are at your own liberty to judge but according to me
a doctor's life is a hard life and much harder than the rest of the
others who luckily or otherwise couldnt become one.But of course
people are ought to say doctors make lot of money so that should
make up for all the hardship they've faced.Well its another thing that
not all doctors make money but we'll leave that debate to a later
date.Even so if doctors are making money, it's coming at what cost?
Years and years of hard work perfecting the art of healing while the
rest of the world scrutinises their life while all along that same rest
of the world has an easier life.Doctors sacrifice much of their
personal life to excel in their field.They rarely have vacations and
holidays.The profession is so demanding that "a little time off work"
does not seem to exist in their lifestyle.In this day and age,your
doctor is a cell phone away.Not to mention the insecurity that
accompanies a lot of a doctor's early formative years.So money is a
very small consolation for that don't you think?

You are bound to say this is a biased opinion because i am
a doctor so i'm only pouring out the problems of my profession and
that every profession has its own share of hardships.Point taken.But
for me after studying for six years in a course who only the cream of
intellect in society manage to secure and master i feel disillusioned
at salaries of Rs. 10,000-15,000 for a post M.B.B.S. doctor with no
oppotunity of growth in the institution.I feel cheated by this system
which rewards every engineer passing out-a financially secure life
while men and women who save lives are denied the dignity of a
respectable job.I have seen with my own eyes how people (including
some doctors) treat only M.B.B.S. doctors and known what they felt
about them and its certainly not good.So if you as a part of the
system expect a specialist in every field to treat you then why deny
these people an opportunity to specialise in their chosen field.Why
is the system instituting cut throat PG entrance examinations in the
middle of their study life.Every year out of 30,000 medical graduates
passing out only 7,000-8,000 of them manage to specialise in the
end.Why are we denying the rest of the doctors that right and
cursing them to an ordinary life when actually they don't deserve to
be treated that way?Why shouln't every doctor passing out have the
option to specialise.But of course i am speaking of an idealistic
world where everything is fair but in reality it's not.

So why should a person take up this profession which
takes so much and gives very little? Despite all that i have said and
all the insecurity that precedes my immediate future i feel happy that
i am a doctor.Yes i'll second that.you would think i must be crazy to
actually love this profession after all the diatribe i've fed you over
the previous paragraphs.I certainly know its a tough life ahead but
anybody else other than a doctor wouldn't know the high of being
one.Every so often, maybe not every time as a doctor you get to
actually save lives.The happiness and gratitude of the patients and
their relatives later on is a very gratifying thing.To alleviate pain and
suffering is a doctors duty but a doctor gets a lot more out of that
chore than the patient.He gets a high that that no money in this
world would suffice to gain it.That's the real reason he or she is
there in this profession.If there's any other reason then he or she is
probably lying.Either that or he or she is in the wrong profession
because money is certainly not that incentive though it may certainly
come with it.So indeed i probably could not answer the core
question of why i took up this profession but my life would not have
been quite as satisfying if i had done anything else.By writing this i
do not intend to change anybody's attitude or for any noble cause
like to initiate a change in this unfair system.Rather all i wanted was
to convince myself that despite everything thats wrong with my
profession and the way society treats doctors these days,what i am
doing is still worth doing and i can most certainly say it is.

Raghuraj S. Hegde

My way or the highway

This is my first poem since reaching Kottayam.The road mentioned in the poem is a metaphor representing my life.

My Way

There's a long winding road ahead,
Hauntingly no life in sight.
I am alone but not lonely,
I am alone but have myself for company,
I am alone but it's my way.
There are no apologies along this path.
There's no fear nor sadness to hinder.
And no signs of regret.
Because I chose to be on this way.
There are what seemed obstacles yesterday,
Now look like opportunities for me to climb.
There are what seemed life's insurmountable dreams,
Are now just my definative goals.
People deserted me when I chose this road,
As this road was not tried before.
I took the courage to go ahead
And in little time the road belonged to me.
I will still be alone but it will be my way.

Raghuraj S. Hegde


This was written just before I joined medical college.Again the the boat mentioned in this poem is a metaphor of my life.Though a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then,I find myself in a similar situation today and if you observe the premise remains the same.....

On My Sea

Life is but an open sea,
All there for you to explore.
Go in any path you wish,
You reach the coast to seek galore.

Then I find my boat too small,
The engine too weak to say,
How ever will I reach the coast with it ?
Will I reach it one day ?

I see ships sailing past,
Covering distances too great.
I row my boat wildly so,
I keep my self update.

I seek mainlands in my search,
Not islets passing by.
I will not float like people do,
Nor will in ocean cry

Raghuraj S. Hegde

The real side of reality

The following two poems i have written describe a reality far removed from where i live but the truth nonetheless.
The first poem "Africa Abhorred" was inspired by the human rights abuses in Zimbabwe and also helped in no small measure by great movies like Hotel Rwanda,Blood Diamond and The last king of Scotland.....
The second poem "Blackie!" is a testimonial of how life is for a black man,but this poem is the one nearest to my heart because it was inspired or rather resulted from me being coloured myself and how i'm reminded of my colour nearly every day not by some white man but by the people of my own country.

Africa Abhorred

I wake up to gunfire everyday.
Civil war rages this unfortunate country.
We do have moments of peace,preceeded and succeeded
By a lifetime of war and death.

Where are my rights? Where are my liberties?
Where is democracy and where are it's promises?
How foolish these questions seem on this land
Where the cost of a life is often less than that of a bullet.

Africa is poisoned......
Poisoned with greed,poisoned with power,
Poisoned with hunger, poisoned with cruelty.
Africa stands a helpless witness to poisoned humanity.

Africa is blessed with riches,
Ivory,Gold and Diamonds too.
But it adorns an European mistress with a trinket,
And arms an African boy with a gun.

Before you mistake me for an African
I am just a black voice on a white tongue.
For nobody here or elsewhere believes in my education.
Articulation of my life is the privilege of the white.

The world watches as Africa burns
In the flames of it's own creation.
As ashes spread far and wide,
They still find more of Africa to burn.

Who is going to Heaven in this country?
"Nobody" ,for we'll kill each other before we get there.
Before you think I will be killed for this blasphemy,
Tell me how do you kill a man,already dead!

Raghuraj S. Hegde


Blackie

'Blackie!' calls out a voice so clear.
Black is my colour,Black is the day.
This colour annoints my colourless life.
But why am i still called a black today?

I hear governments call for equal rights,
I hear men chanting 'Blacks equal Whites',
I hear promises of equality well within sights,
I hear of times when will be bereft of fights.

Life is kinder to the fair skinned,
Not so much for the darker ones
Nature will carry this legacy on,
Extend it to my daughters and sons.

Times change,people change.
But I am still a victim of prejudice.
And I cannot ask any better,
For they have a white law and a black justice.

How long will I stand this tyranny?
How long before I decide to fight back?
Against man's wrath unto man himself,
Against a superiority of white over black.

Alas! A prism every society is,
Divides colours for it's own need,
And proclaims with shameless candour,
'Every colour is part of a white indeed!'

Whatever I may do,
A fault,they will surely find.
Wherever I may live,
The world is still not colour blind.

Raghuraj S. Hegde

My latest poem

This is my latest poem written a couple of months back in tribute to the inumerable girls and women whom i secretely had crushes on but could never even manage to have word with.....

ALWAYS IN MY SIGHT

I watch her through my pertubant gaze.
I know not why I stare at her.
But all powers on earth cannot make me do otherwise.
For my two eyes are not enough to see her.

There's something beyond beauty in her.
What is it about her that enchants me helpless?
To describe,those words hard to come by
Why is it everytime I see,she seems flawless?

Could it be the blush of her radiant cheeks
Or the indisputable dimple in her smile.
Could it be the enthusiasm of her beautiful eyes
Nor the fragrance that long lingers awhile

It could be her walk that befits a Queen
Or her hair that falls delectably so.
It could be her lovable frown when she's cross
Or that innocent laughter that makes the world seem slow.

Words fail me when she brushes her hair off her face.
Her voice so sweet,yet so clearly confident.
Her every expression demands my surest attention.
I never knew those many emotions a face could present

I curse the hundreds that love her,
And the many that she does.
I also resent the thousands like me
Who share her singular sight shameless.

As lust denies me the purgatory.
Love shall deny me perdition.
I can't call lust,for no such thoughs cross me.
I can't call it love,for it defies that definition.

I wish to speak to her endlesly,
But I cannot muster the courage that it calls.
So I stare at her for no more reason than I know,
And treasure her sight,until fate befalls.

Raghuraj S. Hegde